Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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