my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
