i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
