walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
