dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
