i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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