i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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