did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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