I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
