So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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