Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
