I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
