she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
