Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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