No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
