Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
