we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
