Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
God, I missed his penis.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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