Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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