Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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