Your face is a jimmy john
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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