i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
