so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
