so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
