i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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