I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
