dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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