this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
