Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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