you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also, beer. Big fan.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
