If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He told me they were just razor bumps!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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