Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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