roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
