take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
