You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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