The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
