A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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