I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
