She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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