I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Barsexuality is the new black.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
