Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I checked into jail on foursquare
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
