I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
