She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
