By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
