just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
