just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
