Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
