I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
