You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
