OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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