okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
