I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize