theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
