we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
