She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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