Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
