ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
