Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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