He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
