I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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