Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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